Heard a news tale of a 3 year old girl being molested by a neighbor middle aged man in Hyderabad few months back. Similarly a School bus driver molesting daily 6th class school boy whose house comes in the last while going back from school.
What is this happening & why are we silent? Children of all ages from 2 months to 20 years are being abused in one or the other way. Of which street children & poor would be to the fullest. Cant we do anything?
Immediate answer - parents should take care of the children.
Should parents follow their kids where ever they go. Is this the only solution.
Child sex abuse is largely a hidden crime, often from a family member, or person close to the family who hold a responsible position in the society. Now what, should be suspect everybody? Because in major cases abusers are males, cases also reported of females especially by own moms/step-moms (might be because of any physical trauma she may be going through).
And these innocent young kids hardly know initially what is actually happening to them ( i am mentioning only about physical sex abuse), and when they really start understanding, they are being trapped by gifts, treats & fear, embarrassment or guilt and MOSTLY CONVINCING THEM THAT NOBODY WILL TRUST/ BELIEVE THEM.
And while writing this I am unable to control my anger on those who abuse kids with physically or mentally challenged, who cant even express their grief due to lack language or voice about what is going through them. Coming back I am asking what should we do?
Probably the answer would not to be silent and that's what made me write this first blog of mine.
Go ahead talk to as many people as you can about this, especially how we can help kids on this issue.
And I would suggest every parent should, though they enquire kids about their academics or not, need to discuss about their daily activities for sure. I would request Parents NOT TO BE in the common thought that my child would tell me if something of such kind happened to him/her, but to the fact kids hardly know what it means to be abused.
On the most kids need to be given the confidence that their concern would be given importance.
What is Child Sexual Abuse ( CSA) ?
" Sexual Abuse is when a child or young person is pressurized, forced or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or young person " ( NSPCC)
CSA can involve many activities including
- Fondling/ touching/ kissing of genitals or other area's of the body
- Penetration with penis, digit or object
- Exposing genitals or sexual material to a child
- Talking to a child inappropriately, graphically or explicitly about sex
- Asking a child to touch their own genitals or another persons
- Non-forced sex with an underage child.
Here are few ways/ signs we can guess our kids problem:
- Sudden change in their behavior, depressive as if something is disturbing them ( Do-not ever neglect this, if they don't say directly, please try to find out through as many ways as possible instead of leaving the issue to time period.)
- Nightmares, Sleeping problems ( though would be for many reasons)
- Being insecure, inactive in routines, unusual fear of places or people ( may in specific).
- Eating habits sudden change, Anger outburst
- Physical symptoms - Soreness,bleeding, allergies around genitals, ( God forbid how can i forget about the danger of sexually transmitted diseases - GOD PLEASE BE WITH EACH & EVERY CHILD OR ELSE I WOULD STOP CALLING YOU GOD)
- Inappropriate sexual behavior - trying to look unattractive
Whom probably need to be aware of :
- Abusers usually observed to be alone with the kid, insisting on privacy and refusing child privacy. ( IT CAN BE ANYONE VERY NEAR OR DEAR TO US - understand this - CAN BE ANYBODY)
- Show lot of physical affection - kissing, hugging even when child does not want it
- Interests in kids physical growth as into adolescent or teenager
- Regularly take children for outings (in nights)
- Probably giving kids expensive gifts ( this can be last reason)
- Concentrating on a particular child making them special.Spending lot of time with them
- Moving frequently into kids bathroom or dressing room.These people give a usual reason that they abuse kid as it gives pleasure to the kid itself
Educate children about sex abuse in following ways:
Firstly its ok to tell your child about sex abuse but changing the terminology so as to protect their innocence by age
- Talk to them openly & directly and let them understand that they can come to you for any questions & help on any issue. Donot pretend but listen attentively to them.
- Teach your kids about their body parts so that they have the language to speak about their concerns on this issue - specially their danger parts a tip - give them different names so that innocence is kept on. ( LIPS, CHEST, GENITALS or any other part that makes them uncomfortable)
- Talk to them about GOOD Touch, BAD Touch, UNWANTED Touch, SEXUAL ABUSE Touch
- Explain them that if somebody touches or makes them uncomfortable should & can immediately tell to a trusted elder ( FOR KIDS :IF one elder is not understanding your concern, please dont bear for yourself say to an other elder)
- Encourage your children not to be secretive instead be open to tell if something makes them uncomfortable. Make him/her understand that its their RIGHT to speak up on this & you are there for them so that they can SAY NO to anybody in their family, relatives or in school for that matter anywhere.
- Teach & memorize your child their name, address, Telephone number. Make sure to teach them dialing important numbers on phone.
- Teach your child to be in groups not be alone in your absence.
I would say again to parents that its ok for your child to know about sex abuse but without loosing their innocence.Also I request parents to give your child that free space so that they can trust and come to you for their concerns.Because being too suspective or strict also makes child secretive.
What if Child has been abused? Understand we might be the best of the parents and its not easy to digest that it happened to our kids, but be brave & responsible to give your child their justice.
How can we help the child to give back his/ her right to live:
- Firstly abuser should be, should definitely be punished. But stay calm with your child, if needed take professional help
- Childline - 1098, can be one solution to help kids whom nobody is helping
- Report in local police station ( now child act have been established where child would not be emotionally or physically troubled in entire court session )
- Donot confront the abuser no matter how much you want to, instead leave it to professionals, yet see to that he/she would be punished corely.
- Assure & reassure your child yes bad happened but you are proud of them for being brave to tell it openly & nothing so big that they should suffer for a life time happened
- Get help for yourself, as nothing worst than this can be for a parent. Professionals & Agencies are there who would help you & your child to come out the trauma.
There is more to discuss on this topic and its required as well, this is drop in the ocean. I would request professionals to give more information about the same so that we can build a world for children where they can grow as children only innocent yet intelligent, bubbly & creative.
